Being Authentic when Changing
Being authentic this day and age is so important. People have such good BS radars. Most can tell when you are lying, when you have copied something, or when you are trying to be like someone you’re not.
Having said that, the lines can become a little blurred when we’re making changes.
We all have the choice to create our own identities and transform ourselves or reinvent ourselves at any stage in our lives.
If you’re not changing who you are or what you do constantly it may feel like you are swimming around in the same old stagnant pool, doing the same old stuff and getting the same old results week after week month after month.
Who feels like that?
On the flip side, when you are making changes in your life it can feel quite awkward and uncomfortable.
Those thoughts start rattling around in your head like:
- What would my friends and family think?
- What if work mates find out I’m doing this and give me a hard time?
- What if things I’ve said on social media don’t match who I am becoming or have become, will people call me a hypocrite?
All the demons of our past seem to rise to the surface and give us hundreds of good reasons not to change?
The reality is that those that matter don’t really care that you are changing provided you stick to your core values and are not deliberately going out of your way to hurt others.
Those that matter are the ones you can help, or the ones that want to share your journey and support you with your goals. Spend as much time as you can spare with these people, they are like rocket fuel for positive action.
I am working on something big that I’ll share with you at a later date. A key part of this project has been written for some time now, sitting in a folder waiting for I don’t know what.
I recently started communicating with a group of guys who want change in their lives, who support each other in achieving their goals on a weekly basis. All of a sudden this file was resurrected from the depths of my filing system then sent to the person I wrote it for. Amazingly I got a yes “sounds like fun” response. Because of a little support and accountability from a group of guys I’ve never met. How powerful is that?
People come in and out of your life all the time, we don’t always control that.
Some you may only meet for a moment, exchange smiles and make each other feel a little better, like many of the people I meet in my place of work. Then there are those you spend quality time with, maybe a few hours or days exchanging ideas and beliefs then they are gone. Others keep coming back time and time again. They come into our lives when we need them to, or they need us. They all influence who we are, what we do with our time.
When you spend significant time with someone else or a group of people, their influence and support [or lack of it] can be a major catalyst for changing who you are.
It is important to know, who people think you are [their perception of you], who you think you are [your self-image] and who you are working towards becoming [your ideal self].
Ask some of your friends or workmates how they see you, their perception is neither right or wrong so don’t be scared to ask, or judge them if they say something you don’t like. What they think is just their reality. Doing this is simply a way of getting some insight of what you say and do from another perspective.
Take a good honest look at yourself and write down who you are right now at this point in time.
Go on to write down who you want to be in the future and put a time line on it.
Writing these down is important, keep it somewhere safe for future reference. Write your values, the things you do on a daily basis, the words you use, your habits. Put the date beside it.
A hardcover blank page sketchbook works for me.
When you refer back to it at a later date, your core values should be much the same, your daily routines and habits different. This is what I call “Authentic Change”.
If you try to change too much about yourself including your values and you do it fast, people may see you as unstable and a bit of a loony. When you keep your core values in place, others may understand what you’re doing. You will no doubt feel uncomfortable like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster. That’s a good thing, you know your living life to the full, experimenting, creating a new version of you.
If you learn new skills and mix with a healthy variety of people, over a much longer time period, life is easier. We don’t have as much time as we think, so you have a high risk of failing to achieve the result you’re looking for before the goal posts shift. Life often feels easy and comfortable but boring at times in this mode of living.
You are what you say and do, not what you say you’re going to do. Some people will get you and others won’t.
I am who I am. Sometimes I use bad language, sometimes not. I try to respect the feelings of those I’m talking to. You either get me or you don’t. It doesn’t really matter to me. I prefer to be around those that get who I am and what I’m trying to achieve with the changes I make in my life.
Be authentic by sticking with your core values. Reinvent or change who you are by doing new things and creating new useful stuff. Broaden the circle of people you mix with on a regular basis. Change as fast as you can for a better life.
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